Selfish

I've probably talked about this before, but selfishness is an issue. I hat how selfish I am. I absolutely despise myself when I know that I have been selfish, and yet I continue to act out of that space. It seems like it almost impossible not to and yet still be yourself. I mean, I think the ideal is that you are most truly yourself when you exist for others, but in some way I don't know of the possibility to be unselfish all of the time. I say this because I have felt from how deep ingrained in me this selfishness comes. It's almost something that's just a part of me at my core. It comes out in passion and emotion, not simply in choice of what is most convenient. There must be a way to temper this, but at the same time, is tempering this tempering part of the passion that drives you? I really don't know more than to say on this issue, one which seems to plague me all the time, I am lost.

Wisdom

"The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom." - Proverbs 1:7.

What exactly does it mean to fear God? Is it fear of everything that we "have" being taken away? If so, what is it that we can say that we actually "have"? Maybe fear of God really isn't fear at all, but an acceptance and acknowledgment of the greatness of God and how beyond our comprehension God is. Could that be the beginning of wisdom? That would mean that it is through humility that we find wisdom. I'm on board for that. Now if only I had some humility... Know where I can get some?

Taken for Granted: Memories

This is for Edith.

Our brain is a powerful instrument. It allows to accomplish so much, ironically, without even thinking about it. We can calculate spatial distances, balance on two legs, interpret the messages being sent from our eyes, and many other things without a single thought. One of the most amazing things it does is store so many pieces of information, so many experiences, imprinted on the fabric of our being. We remember faces, names, feelings, smells, information, emotions, sounds, ideas, thoughts, concepts, to name just a few. How often do we take all of this for granted? Well, basically every single moment of our lives, because what does our life look like without these memories? What if we forget who our best friend is over night? What if we forget how to play UNO? What if we can't remember our birth day? To put myself in that situation is almost traumatizing. It's humbling for me to think about if I would ever have Alzheimer's or be involved in an accident to the point where I would forget all of these things. It's humbling to know how much I take these things for granted and gives me the utmost respect for anyone who has to go through something like that. It makes me ashamed to say how ungrateful I have been for something that is such a part of me that I don't even think about it. So, I guess my point and only suggestion to myself is this: be grateful for the gifts that we are given, many of which we don't even think about. In general be grateful for the gift of life that we have been given. If we continue over and over again to do that, then we will live good lives, faithful to our true selves. Peace always.

That's something to be proud of.

So yesterday I was helping to facilitate a discussion on morality... hah morality. There's always this struggle. I feel like "Hey, I'm a pretty moral person," and then the next minute it's like "I suck, I do some stupid stuff."

In talking about morality and listening about it, I think it's important to train ourselves to pay closer attention to our actions. I think I'm going to literally try and ask the questions, "Is that something that I'm proud of?" and "Is that me being the best that I can be?" or "Is this something I'm at least not ashamed of?" It's like the WWJD bracelets. What would Jesus do in that situation? But for me that seems too reactionary. It's not just about what we do in reaction to things, it's how we spend our free time. It's about what we go out and initiate ourselves. And yet there's always temptation, it's tough. I guess that it's most important to just consciously think about things. I don't know how people can do so many things without even thinking about them. I feel like even when I do something wrong, there's part of me, some might call it a conscience, nagging in the back of my head. That's my biggest indicator, shame. I want more pride and less shame.

Hit the reset button

Looks like I've gotten away from the blog again. Sorry, to any person who actually might check this page out. I'm gonna hit the reset button again. It's kind of like back in the "old days" when we had the original Nintendo Entertainment System. If you put the cartridge in and it doesn't work right and you get all the squiggly lines or a blank screen, you pull it out blow on it and try it again. As long as you keep trying again then no one can say you're not trying right? I think this is something common in a lot of our lives. Like, with keeping up with old friends. I'll go through a spell where I'll try and keep up with certain people and then all of a sudden I haven't talked to them in months or years. But, then I'll try once again. Somebody once wiser than me said that it doesn't matter how many times you fall as long as you keep picking yourself back up. Another simple example is fitness. How many of us go through so many spells of working out and staying in shape and then getting caught up in so much stuff that we let it go. And then we come back to it when New Year's comes around. I think that gyms may have invented New Year's just so that they could have a rush of business at least one time of the year to compliment the normal patrons. So... hitting the reset button one more time on this whole writing and thinking thing. Wish me luck.

Breathing

Breathing out is just as important as breathing in. It is just as vital to living. Not only must we take in what is good, but we must also accept what is given to us. We must not only let go of what is bad, but also share what we have that is good with those around us.

Where do you find peace?

Look through your day and your life... where do you find peace?

Open your Heart

I wish I could offer up thoughts. But, thoughts, especially my thoughts, don't necessarily always make sense. I wish I could just open up my heart and show it to the world. It would make things so much easier. Then we wouldn't have to play this stupid game. Our interactions with one another just seem to be a game. I hate playing this game. Be true to yourself. Don't deny the good in the world. Don't deny happiness. Don't be smug. Don't be afraid to talk open and honestly. Be yourself, raw and true... I just want to be happy... If only any of this made sense...

Positively Positive Patience

Sometimes it's tough to stay positive. Sometimes it seems as if nothing is ever going to happen. Things will never get resolved. The future will never arrive. It seems as though we'll always be waiting.
Patience is so difficult to have, especially when we only look at the negative. When we look at the negative it seems like time takes forever to pass. When we look at the negative we bring about even more negativity. We create our own worst fears. Some people get lost in this downward spiral. Patience is hard, and even more so because real patience requires a positive attitude and an openness to life. Without a positive attitude and an openness, "patience" turns into contempt. We begin to despise everything until somehow something or someone cracks through the negative force field that we've put up. Let us let down our force fields. Look at so much that is great around us and embrace it. Make your own positivity by giving love. In giving love you receive it... sometimes we don't realize it, but that's because we don't actually take a good look at it. We allow ourselves to see it. Be patient and open to the good of this world. Give love, even if it's only a smile... People underestimate the power of a smile. A smile is so powerful. In my mind, it's one of the most amazing things in the world and it can truly make a difference... Make a difference and have faith.

Just the Way you Are

Cuz Girl you're amazing Just the way you are...